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Post by Ed Lauzon on May 31, 2014 23:03:02 GMT -5
Fresh from the mean streets of Chicago, men from all over have congregated here to have their chance at proving who is the best at martial arts, this is truly the ultimate kind of bragging rights. The contrast between the chilled out lounge atmosphere and the sheer brutality of hand-to-hand combat is stark. The actual venue itself is somewhat of a warehouse owned by the corporate mastermind Carlos Dos Santos who has spared no expense. This card is not just a run of the mill event, no this one has go-go dancers, live DJs pumping out some serious retro Chicago House jams, and a full service bar. Some people can be seen glassy eyed almost in a trance from all the repetitive beats or from some kind of psychoactive drugs, it is hard to tell but for sure there are copious amounts of ecstasy. Strobe lights are flickering like mad against the industrial back drop. The production itself feels more like an old World Fighting Alliance card rather than the run down places that tend to normally hold these kinds of events. Carlos Dos Santos is looking down from the rafters marveling at his creation with pride maybe even a little smugness. Dos Santos relishes in the fact that he has the ability to control the destiny of so many men tonight and the burden of promotion is no longer on his shoulders for he can now sit back and relax in the sky box/control room he has rigged up. This card is actually being broadcast through a form of closed circuit pay per view available online. Dos Santos begins to have an inner monologue.
Carlos Dos Santos: I seriously can't believe that it is finally here, my creation, my dream is finally coming to fruition. I think I am going to celebrate with a drink, actually no I need to have full faculties of all my senses in order to truly bask in this moment. If only people knew that ShootFighters vs PitFighters has happened before but either way to them this is revolutionary. I have a lot of faith in these men who will prove that mental fortitude can overcome technique deficiencies. They have all prepared very well for their opponents tonight, I feel like they have been matched in such a way that it is to the PitFighters' advantages tonight...
Carlos Dos Santos though is interrupted by none other than "The Artist Known As" Harvey Lentil, one of the representatives from Team Dos Santos comes a long dressed in his super cool beatnik attire.
Harvey Lentil: Hey what's up man, boss, whatever can I just treat you like any other old cat Carlos?
Carlos Dos Santos: Yeah sure Harvey but why do you have to talk to me now, I'm kind of having a moment.
Harvey Lentil: I just wanted to tell you Carlos that some people call me an aficionado of the theatre, I appreciate it as much as anybody but even I know in the real world man, you don't say your inner monologues out loud man. Like what are you trying to do man? I should like go down to the clubs and tell everyone a story about a man named Carlos Dos Santos who wants everyone to know what he is thinking man.
Carlos Dos Santos looks really perplexed at Harvey Lentil.
Carlos Dos Santos: Wait did you just read my mind right now?
Harvey Lentil: Nah man it's easy I can see it in your eyes MAN it tells the whole story man. I don't even NEED to read YOUR mind man. Why waste your energy using ESP?
Carlos Dos Santos: Harvey are you seriously on drugs right now? Can you read my mind or not? Lets just say that based on your totally nonsensical way of speaking combined with suggesting that you can read my mind says a lot. But that doesn't really matter because I can tell by the fact that you are wearing sunglasses while inside this very dark building probably means you are hiding something.
Harvey Lentil: I just don't like the glare of strobe lights they bother my eyes and make my head spin...man.
Carlos Dos Santos: So what did you really want to talk to me about?
Harvey Lentil: Carlos I can't help but feel you are underestimating my technique tonight. I fight using the artistic grace of Baguazhang, and tonight I'm going against a guy who frankly has no business even being in here, he is just a strongman, nothing more and nothing less.
Carlos Dos Santos: Well Harvey you should know that Mr.Kabul has been working hard on his Greco Roman wrestling techniques and has all intention of rag dolling you around, do you have a suitable counter towards this?
Harvey Lentil: Yeah of course he won't be able to even touch me once I get my movement going. I'm getting ready for a performance that people will not forget.
Carlos Dos Santos: You haven't answered my question Harvey, what are you going to do in case he grabs you?
Harvey Lentil: One ounce of prevention is greater than 1000 lbs of cure man, don't you see?
Carlos Dos Santos: No I don't see frankly I think you are an ignoramus.
Harvey Lentil: Hey I thought you were cool, but no you are just the man. Anyway I have an interview coming up so see you later Carlos.
Carlos Dos Santos: Fool
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Post by Ed Lauzon on Jun 1, 2014 0:56:11 GMT -5
The interviewer is now with Harvey Lentil who just finished his short chat with Carlos Dos Santos.
Interviewer: I am here with Harvey Lentil who is participating in the first fight of the evening with Mr. Kabul. He has what some would say a unique fighting style but also an even more unique personality where exactly does all this come from?
Harvey Lentil: I don't know what layer of the mind it is but it is certainly one of them man. It came from a moment of inspiration realizing that martial arts and theatre could possibly be intertwined. They are both performance based arts and I thought that maybe combining Wushu with the drama techniques I have picked up over the years would be an excellent combination for expanding my career opportunities. I grew up in a community of Chinese people and they have influenced me all the way, accepted me as one of them. They have supported me all the way because in some form or another I actually represent them.
Interviewer: Wow that is an unexpectedly realist way of looking at things Harvey coming from you, I have heard that you have done some Sanshou as well in order to gain experience for a competition such as this one, how important for you is it to have full contact experience under your belt before going into something like this?
Harvey Lentil: Sanshou to me was always an afterthought because it is a style of fighting that does not enable you to fully express yourself because of its limitations in rules. An event like this though is closer in a way to a street fight except I have no intentions of making it look like one; no this is a thing of beauty man. I want the crowd to be amazed by something they have never seen before. Still I do think my experience in Sanshou will come in handy but I don't think it was absolutely necessary because an event like this requires creativity which I have in spades.
Interviewer: What exactly do you plan to do tonight against Mr.Kabul?
Harvey Lentil: A plan? A fight is something I like to call an improvised performance man. People should just relax and enjoy the spectacle of it all.
Interviewer: Are you afraid at all of what Mr.Kabul brings to the table?
Harvey Lentil: Absolutely not, tonight is not the time to have stage fright man. I've been doing this for most of life so it is second nature...
Harvey is interrupted by his opponent Mr.Kabul who walks around unabashedly without his shirt (and occasionally wearing a black speedo)
Mr.Kabul: Hmmmm it seems like we have a man over here if you can even call him one that thinks he has experienced what life can throw at him and therefore has no fear? That is not courage that is ignorance. Do you even know what you are up against? I won't even bother telling you what I have experienced in my life because it is not important. What is important is tonight we are having a fight. You Canadians are all entitled p****s and I'm on a personal mission to crush you all. You claim to go around doing all this peace keeping for the greater good but there is no such thing.
I am a man who has honed his body and mind to absolute perfection some would even say I'm the strongest pound for pound man on this planet but I'd like to personally have at least some modesty. I shouldn't even waste my breath on people as feeble as you, instead Harvey you are surely going to be embarrassed very badly.
Harvey Lentil: Hey man chill out I’m not into this whole war of words thing man. I just want to put on a good performance for the crowd.
Interviewer: So Mr.Kabul what do you plan to do to Harvey tonight?
Mr.Kabul: Simple, annihilate him.
Interviewer: Can you go into any specifics?
Mr.Kabul: Why should I bother, it’s not like Harvey has told you anything, just look at my body and look at his. I think that speaks for itself. Harvey might technically be the bigger man but he is all bones, just scrawny and absolutely not comfortable with being physically dominated. What does he do? Drinks, smokes, tell stories and beat some drum at a club, and then you look at me I am like a well oiled machine, a tank. Everything I put into my body is fuel and everything I do is striving for personal excellence. Harvey is so focused on being an entertainer that he forgets how I’m going to kill his dreams and make this fight really ugly. As soon as I grab a hold of him his spirit will instantly melt.
Interviewer: Well we all know that talk is cheap so let's end this interview and get on with the fight gentlemen!
The warehouse is getting ready for the first fight of the evening which should commence very soon.
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Post by Ed Lauzon on Jun 7, 2014 0:45:08 GMT -5
Going against the whole party atmosphere of the event we see competitors Felix Smythe, Rick Champoux, and Illias Kokliaris outside the warehouse. All three men don't seem to really fit in each being more intellectually minded individuals that purposefully avoid the limelight unless of course it is to talk about their favourite interests. An audio engineer, a master of prosthesis, and a philosopher/historian should make for some interesting conversations...or maybe not.
Rick Champoux: Gentlemen I think we all need to find at least some kind of common ground here, how about we talk about robotics that seems like a topic that could somehow include all of us. I could probably design, build, and calibrate all the physical aspects of the robot while Felix you could maybe create a method of enabling the robot to talk, and Illias you can...shoot what exactly can a so called philosopher do?
Felix Smythe: I propose that the robot's gender be female so that it can have a really sexy voice like Scarlett Johansson in Her yeah that would be totally sweet.
Illias Kokliaris: I'm surprised that this is the best that a Mensa member and sound engineer can come up with but you know what I will bite. It is funny that you mention the movie Her Felix because I read a synopsis...Ok I admit it I actually did watch the movie for its ethical content.
The movie is a perfect example of what happens when the mind is given absolute control and eventually wants to step out of the boundaries of pure mediocrity. There is a reason that society puts limits on the desires of people in the form of laws. In my search of truth I want to know exactly why you want to build this robot? Do you want a mere "pet" of sorts that has some independence in thought or do you want an artificial consciousness totally running wild? There is one thing Rick that you are correct, there isn't really much I CAN do in this scenario because theoretically speaking this artificial consciousness has access to the internet and could read about almost anything it wants if it has attained self awareness. Personally if I were you two building a robot the best advice I can provide is...don't allow it internet access. The only problem is now we have the ethical dilemma of not allowing an artificial consciousness, while artificial makes you wonder what exactly separates it from the human consciousness. Should we allow AI beings to have the same rights as human beings or in case of some kind of apocalyptic event should we just make them essentially slaves to do our bidding? If you think about it it is only a matter of time before these computers decide they are sick and tired of humans developing some kind of superiority complex leaving us out to dry and meaning that your whole goal of creating a robot was completely pointless.
Felix Smythe: Wow this guy is really thinking deep and here I was concerned about the robot actually having a personality. Remind me to never underestimate philosophy as a discipline ever again.
Rick Champoux: This robot doesn't even have a body yet let alone a mind. Besides I don't feel comfortable Illias having a robot merely be a slave to do my bidding. Of course it is inevitable that robots will be under our servitude for a very long time doing rather menial labour and having sex. At this point I'm not even really thinking so much about the future but I want to accomplish something now.
Illias Kokliaris: What you two don't realize is that my background in philosophy enables me to understand the issues without actually having any prior knowledge of the subject in question. I am no expert on robotics...
Rick Champoux: That is true Illias but even you should know being a historian that we have gone down this path before in this very country we are in right now the USA. We abolished slavery for the Blacks but remember we used to think they were savages and incapable of doing anything for themselves.
Illias Kokliaris: While that is true Rick recall that the consciousness of a computer is unlimited whereas the consciousness of some random Black person is limited. A group of computers could potentially band together and essentially destroy the entire human race.
Rick Champoux: It seems like the answer to this problem is actually quite simple, we put limits on the kind of knowledge that computers can attain, essentially just making them a type of advanced calculator, I mean really what is the point of a robot actually becoming interested in trying to find the meaning of life?
Felix Smythe: How about we just make it so robots can't freely associate with each other?
Illias Kokliaris: Well I guess it is settled then. Anyway Felix I think your match is coming up so why don't you get warmed up or something. We can always discuss this topic at a later date.
Felix Smythe: Will do I am 100 % prepared for what Rufus Kersey brings to the table!
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Post by Ed Lauzon on Jun 7, 2014 2:31:11 GMT -5
We would like to interrupt this broadcast of Pancrase in Chicago on the Dos Santos Network to bring you this special feature.
The scene is a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu school somewhere in Chicago where we see a Russian man, his name is Vlad Zolotarev, who has a rather deceptive smile on his face.
Vlad Zolotarev: Hello, my friends, my name is Vlad Zolotarev, RUSSIAN Freefight champion of the WORLD. First off I would like to say that yes I am actually from Kharkiv, Ukraine but my blood is 100 % Russian. I am looking forward to when the righteous leader of the Russian people Putin liberates us.
Vlad Zolotarev: There is a saying that if you live by the sword you die by the sword, I believe it was originally said by a Russian. I have trained myself vigorously in the ways of the samurai at the Neo-Minamoto Clan to know that Douglas Dedge should have expected death going against Yevgeni. I am related to Yevgeni and I plan to represent his same killer instinct competing in PitFighting anytime anyplace.
Cameraman: Hey Vlad could you like tone it down a bit?
Vlad Zolotarev: How can I Mr.Cameraman? I have a lot of responsibility to hold up being Russian Freefight champion of the world. I am a master of self cultivation, always searching for new challenges. I like these so called PitFighting rules they remind me of Freefight rules but with a few more restrictions...
actually Mr.Cameraman you are right I do not desire to kill people in the realm of hand to hand combat, but...if he dies...he dies. In fact I actually hope to bring a more gentle approach and make sure people give up...before they die.
Cameraman: Yeah that's better.
Vlad Zolotarev: So with that said why am I here at this Brazilian Jiu Jitsu school in America? Well hopefully I am going to take this opportunity to defend my RUSSIAN Freefight title. Basically Freefight for those who are not aware can be anyplace, anytime, and the rules themselves are, how should I say flexible? I have studied countless martial arts at this point including Aikido, Ju Jutsu, Sambo, Wrestling...too many to list and I think it is about time that we stopped this nonsense of having separate rules for all these martial arts, they should be amalgamated as one.
Now you will notice that we are in a, how should you say white belt class. White belts are particularly dangerous opponents, unpredictable and you do not know what techniques they may have in their arsenal. Also makes for interesting Freefight matches. It looks like they are all going to start rolling now so let’s do this.
Vlad Zolotarev looks around and sees a rather meek looking man, a white belt with no stripes.
Vlad Zolotarev: Hello would you like to roll? I was wondering, what kind of experience do you have in BJJ and martial arts in general? My name is Vlad it is very nice to meet you!
Noobie: Yeah uhh this is actually my first ever BJJ class, in fact I haven't done any martial arts at all.
Vlad Zolotarev: Not even a pansy martial art like point Savate?
Noobie: Ummmm no. So I see you are also a white belt is this your first class as well?
Vlad Zolotarev: Oh yeah of course, so how about I pass your guard while you try and berimbolo me ok?
Noobie: Uhhhh what is a berimbolo I kind of came here to like learn self defense I'm not really into fancy sport BJJ type stuff...
Before the noobie can even react he is already under Vlad Zolotarev's side control in scarf hold, the noobie proceeds to try and struggle to get out but to no avail.
Vlad Zolotarev: So do you know how to escape this hold?
Noobie: Uhhhh no I don't.
Vlad Zolotarev: Well I'm sorry to inform you but you have already lost, I had you.
Noobie: Wait what?
Vlad Zolotarev: Yeah you heard me the match is over.
Noobie: What match we are just rolling and I didn't tap out or anything.
Vlad Zolotarev: Oh no no no see this is just a huge misunderstanding see this was actually match conducted under Russian Freefight rules.
Noobie: What the hell are you talking about?
Vlad Zolotarev: Alright alright I'll give you another chance after all that is what the Gracies always did to their victims...I mean opponents.
Next thing you know they start rolling again and Vlad Zolotarev immediately grabs a hold of the noobie's wrist and wrist locks him. The noobie taps out writhing in pain.
Noobie: Hey man that is not cool wrist locks are not allowed to be used on white belts.
Vlad Zolotarev: Hey you did say you were coming to this school to learn self defense techniques, besides I didn't know that you couldn't use wrist locks at the white belt level.
Noobie: Fine let's just roll again how about I start on top this time?
Vlad Zolotarev: Yeah sure that will be the agreed upon rules this time in Freefight.
Zolotarev immediately begins reaping the knee of the poor noobie and proceeds to lock up a heel hook, once again the noobie taps.
Noobie: Ok this is seriously bullshit, everyone knows leg locks,especially heel hooks are not allowed not even at the black belt level.
Vlad Zolotarev: If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen...that was also coined by a Russian.
Noobie: You are totally not new to grappling at all, first of all it is pretty clear you know some kind of Aikido or Ju Jutsu because you put me in a wrist lock, and then there was the heel hook...
Vlad Zolotarev: Just face the facts you have lost three matches in a row, as they say third time's the charm or something like that, you know what that was also probably coined by a Russian as well now that I think about it. Oh and for your information I watch a lot of the YouTube.
Noobie: Ok seriously man that was not coined by any Russians Mr.Chekov and that isn't even what the saying means...
Vlad Zolotarev: Don't you know that language is a flexible medium just like Freefight?
Noobie: And wth is Freefight SERIOUSLY? Who are you?!
Vlad Zolotarev: I am Vlad Zolotarev Russian Freefight champion of the world! Oh and I forgot to mention that I have a black belt in Aikido, Daito Ryu Aiki Ju Jutsu, and a purple belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, I was also Kharkiv Oblast BJJ champion at blue belt, but everybody knows that in Freefight belts don't matter.
Noobie: I knew it, screw this I'm doing Krav Maga.
Vlad Zolotarev: Why don't you do Systema instead, it's exactly the same but better because it is Russian.
The noobie walks out of the gym in a huff.
Vlad Zolotarev: So there you have it folks, I just defended my Freefight title three times in a row, stay tuned because you never know when and where I will defend my Russian Freefight championship of the world next.
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